Rebecca, 57, reflects on her surprising sexual awakening post-divorce, crediting Tom, a colleague turned lover, for introducing her to the world of dominant/submissive dynamics. Initially self-identifying as someone with a low libido, Rebecca often found excuses to avoid intimacy in her marriage. “I would come up with reasons like headaches or just feeling drained,” she explains. “It seemed strange since I enjoyed solo activities, but it never clicked until I was 52 and single.”
Her perspective began to shift when she noticed men differently, especially Tom. “I found myself captivated by his legs,” she shares, recalling how their dynamic shifted after a work dinner when a kiss ignited a passionate relationship. “The first time we were together, I was thrilled by his commanding nature in bed. I had fantasized about dominant figures but had never shared those thoughts with my ex-husband, partly due to my feminist beliefs which made submission feel shameful.”
Rebecca appreciates the open dialogue she has with Tom regarding her fantasies. “With him, it feels like a playful exchange,” she notes. One memorable moment occurred when Tom sent her a vibrator with a note saying she couldn’t open it until he gave the green light. “I found myself begging him, which turned out to heighten the excitement for both of us.”
Tom, who is 67, shares his own perspective on their relationship, emphasizing the importance of the power dynamics they create outside the bedroom as much as those within. After their initial connection, Tom was amused by Rebecca’s direct approach when she asked if he was good at dancing—the real intention being his skills in bed. “That moment made me realize how aligned we were,” he admits.
For three years, they’ve explored various rules, from bedtime to outfit choices for outings. “We discuss my ‘orders’ and if she isn’t into a rule, we drop it immediately,” Tom explains. “Our sex life intertwines with these power games, making everything feel consensual and intimate.”
Both Rebecca and Tom acknowledge the complexity of their roles. “While I love the structure of being in control, I also believe in equality between genders,” Tom admits. “The exhilarating yet confusing nature of dominance plays into societal taboos that we often discuss.”
Together, they navigate these intricate dynamics, affirming their connection through playful exploration and honest conversations about their desires. Would you and your partner like to share your story, anonymously, about your own sexual experiences?
